Pull the Udder One
by nas-iiN
Summary: Harry bets Ron that he and Ginny can prank the twins. Poor twins.


**Hello folks! This beefy little one-shot was written about a year ago. It's good for a giggle if you're feeling blue and in need of some childish humour.**

**Pull the Udder One.**

It was a dull afternoon in the Auror's division at the Ministry of Magic. Ron and Harry were both sat at their desks filling out paperwork, following their arrest of Zacharias Smith for embezzlement.

"Do you remember the swamp Fred and George set up at Hogwarts?" Ron suddenly asked, trying to relieve his boredom.

"Yeah, that was a good one. I liked the fireworks more though, " replied Harry.

"That one in our seventh year was pretty good too. When all the snakes turned up in Gryffindor colours. I never found out who did that, " Ron mused.

Harry chuckled. "It was me and Ginny, you idiot."

"Really? I had no idea. Not as good as the swamp though."

"What, it was much better than the swamp. We pranked every single Slytherin in the school. And we did all the other houses."

"That was you too? Anyway, the swamp lasted for months. You can't beat Fred and George. They were the prank masters."

"Ha. I'll tell you what," said Harry. "I bet me and Ginny could prank Fred and George."

"No chance!" Ron retorted. "I bet you can't."

"Sounds like we have a wager. Usual amount?" enquired Harry.

"Usual amount. Terms?"

"Ginny and I will prank Fred and George, at some time over the weekend after next. Furthermore, we will relieve them of a considerable amount of Galleons."

"You must be mad. You'll never get cash out of those two schemers. It's a deal."

After shaking hands, Ron and Harry turned back to their paperwork; Ron looking forward to eating his winnings and Harry wondering how the hell he was going to con his brothers-in-law out of 150 Galleons.

---

Monday, the following week, found Harry paying a visit to Luna Lovegood, at the Quibbler offices.

"I need a favour Luna," said Harry casually, as they had a cup of coffee in Luna's office.

"Of course, Harry. What do you need?"

"I need you to print a fake Daily Prophet for me, really early on Saturday morning."

"I'd be happy to help. Do you want me to put in some stories about the Snorkacks?" Luna asked hopefully. It was not quite widespread news but the Lovegoods had finally managed to find a Crumple Horned Snorkack. It wasn't in Sweden as they had expected, but actually turned up in Black Notley, a small village in Essex.

"No thanks, Luna. I'll need to maybe change one page a bit. I'll bring in the fake article I need inserted."

Luna was a great friend, Harry thought, as he strolled back to the Auror offices. She never asks why, just happily accepts the most ridiculous request.

---

The day of the prank arrived. Harry and Ginny Potter were up early in their riverside penthouse. As they sat on their balcony overlooking the Thames, the young couple drank coffee and went over the plan…

---

At 7am, Harry met Luna at the Quibbler printing works, clutching a copy of that morning's Prophet and a piece of paper.

"Morning Luna," Harry said excitedly. "Thanks for coming so early."

"It's no problem Harry. I'm always happy to help in one of your pranks."

Approximately fifty-seven minutes later, Harry Potter silently apparated to his wife's side, in a narrow side-alley, near the twins' shop. She was just managing to hold on to a rather agitated Prophet delivery owl, which she had accosted moments earlier and relieved it of its cargo. Harry gave the freshly printed fake newspaper to the owl, who took it eagerly. Ginny released it with the instructions to deliver the paper to its usual recipient. Moments later, as Fred opened the shop door (all the shops on the alley opened at eight), the nondescript brown owl dropped the doctored Daily Prophet at his feet, before flying away to tell all his owl friends he had met the great Harry and Ginny Potter.

Casually tossing the paper on the counter by the till, Fred continued to open up boxes, straighten products and generally get things ready for the hordes of customers who would hopefully come into the shop. George soon arrived. He glanced at the front page of the paper, commented half-heartedly about the appointment of someone called Milton Mowbray to the vacant head Auror's job, before disappearing into the stockroom to get some more packets of Canary Creams for the confectionary display.

Sadly for the twins, neither of them noticed the article on page 4, which read:

**_New Powers for New Department – Businesses Beware_**

_In a shock move, the Minister for Magic has sanctioned the operation of a new ministerial department, the Control of Wizarding Safety. The remit of this department is to ensure that all UK wizarding businesses conform to stringent health and safety guidelines. These guidelines include several areas, such as the Care of Wizarding Substances Harmful if Touched, Trades Undertaking Regular Dangerous Schemes and Control of Wizarding Products and Tradeables._

_Perhaps the most surprising power of this new department will be the ability to inspect businesses with no notice and impose on the spot fines for breaches of the new guidelines. Full details of the guidelines are available from the Ministry of Magic, blah blah blah……._

That afternoon, at a quarter past something insignificant, Amy, the rather saucy and attractive assistant from the Apothecary down the street barged in through the door. As she paused for a few moments to get her breath back, Fred and George watched happily as her delightfully perky chest heaved up and down.

"Fred….George…we've…just…been…inspected."

"What?" enquired Fred.

"That…new…department. We had one of their random inspections. We got fined 70 galleons."

"What are you talking about, Amy?" George asked, as he sidled up to the young woman, who was still breathing slightly hard.

"It's in the Prophet. Some new department at the Ministry with the power to…"

At the moment, the shop door banged open a second time. Through the door strode a witch and a wizard. The wizard was immaculately groomed, smartly dressed and reminded the twins of Barty Crouch, in appearance. The young witch accompanying him was dressed in a snappy muggle suit, had neat brown hair and stylish glasses. She looked like the epitome of efficiency. One could imagine her following her 'boss' around, making notes on a clipboard at his instruction. Her white blouse was not buttoned all the way up, and showed a fair amount of cleavage, a detail that was not lost on the ever-observant Weasley twins.

"Good morning, Mr. Weasley, Mr. Weasley." The man spoke with a clipped voice, perfectly enunciating every word. "I am Frank Resian from the Control of Wizarding Products and Tradeables team at the Ministry of Magic. This is my associate, Miss Jersey Bull. Under new legislation, it is within our powers to search these premises for contravention of aforementioned new legislation. We intend to do just that. Come along Miss Bull. Messrs. Weasley, you may accompany us if you so wish as we carry out our inspection."

Over the course of the next half hour, Mr Resian inspected every inch of the twins' shop, stockroom and laboratory area, finding several infringements. Throughout, the impeccably dressed Miss Bull followed dutifully, making notes on her clipboard as instructed. When the inspection was completed, the two inspectors made their way to the counter, where Fred and George were waiting nervously.

"Miss Bull?" prompted Mr. Resian.

Miss Bull proceeded to tot everything up within her notes before filling out some forms. Finally, she passed over two documents. The first, she explained was the Particulars Of Observation, which detailed the infringements and shows a breakdown of the fine. The second document was the Memorandum Of Obligation, which detailed the strict controls they are expected to have in place before the follow up visit. Still in a bit of a shock, the twins failed to pay much attention to either document at this time.

"Is that all the paperwork completed, Miss Bull?" Mr. Resian asked.

"Yes Frank, all done."

"Now then, Mr. Weasley, Mr. Weasley. Although this fine may seem harsh to you, we are not totally unreasonable in the Department for Control of Wizarding Safety. As such, you will be permitted one hour to obtain the necessary funds to pay the fine. We appreciate, you see, that you may not have 150 Galleons to hand. Another associate of ours will be calling in exactly one hour. His name is Angus and you will recognise him by his thick Aberdeen accent. Good day, Mr. Weasley, Mr. Weasley." With that, Frank Resian turned smartly on his heel and marched out of the shop, closely followed by Miss Bull.

"Goodbye, boys," the young witch called teasingly as she followed her boss out of the door.

Incensed by the fact that they'd just been stung for 150 Galleons, Fred and George decided there was only one thing they could do.

"Call Dad?" asked Fred.

"Call Dad," agreed George.

He'd be able to tell them about this new department and the stuffy Frank Resian bloke. Knowing their father's connections in the ministry, he might be able to get them out of the fine. While Fred minded the store, George went into the back of the shop and took a handful of floo powder.

"Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office!" shouted George as he threw the powder into the hearth.

"Oh, hello George, what a nice surprise," the friendly tones of Arthur Weasley called up from the grate.

George explained to his father what had happened with the inspection and how they had been fined 150 Galleons. Hoping for some caring, supportive, fatherly advice and an offer to take care of things, George did not expect a verbal lashing about how, if they intend on running a business, they should take things more seriously and keep up to date with legislation and news that affects them. He also suggested reading the Daily Prophet once in a while and that they should take it on the chin and pay up like everyone else.

Thoroughly chastised, George went back into the front of the shop and told his brother what Arthur had said. They thumbed through the fake Prophet that had been delivered that morning and found the article. Resigned, Fred went to Gringotts to withdraw the gold. While he was out, Molly called, inviting the twins over to dinner that evening.

---

Meanwhile, a smartly dressed wizard and an equally smartly dressed young witch carrying a clipboard strolled into Florean Fortesque's Ice Cream Parlour and ordered two rather large sundaes. Sitting down, the wizard spoke quietly to the witch,

"Ginny, you were magnificent. I can't believe the last item you fined them for. Merlin, I had to think about Voldemort just so I didn't laugh."

"Harry, my love, or would you like me to carry on calling you Frank?" Harry shook his head. "As flattered as I was, they are my brothers. There are some things that you just don't do."

After about fifty minutes, 'Frank Resian' gave the briefest of nods to a very large, burly man, who was sitting at a nearby table. The man got up and made for the exit.

"See you at the burrow, cubs!" whispered the man as he went past.

---

'Angus' made his way to Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes and strode up to the counter. Fred and George were waiting there, eager to get the whole incident finished with.

"Misters Weasley?"

"Yes, that's us," Fred replied.

"I believe you've got something for me."

Fred reached below the counter top and brought up a bag of gold.

"Hmm, feels about right," said Angus as he weighed the bag in a gigantic hand. "Now, I'm gonna trust you boys that this bag contains the right amount of gold. I'm sure you don't want me paying a return visit."

"No, no, it's all there," Fred said hurriedly. "Counted it myself."

"Good boys." The huge man grinned down at the twins and then handed them a small slip of paper. The words "with compliments" were visible between two jumbo sausage-like fingers.

"A word of advice boys. Read all the documents you have been given today very carefully. Those inspectors were talking about follow up visits. I wouldn't want to be taking any more of your hard earned gold."

After shaking (crushing) both of the twins' hands 'Angus' made his way out of the store.

---

Remus Lupin chuckled to himself as he strolled back down Diagon Alley towards the Leaky Cauldron. It had been so easy, he thought. The old marauder trick – time delayed transfiguration powder on the hand. Nobody turns down a harmless handshake, do they? He was still chuckling when he arrived at the Burrow.

---

Fred and George watched the huge scary Scotsman walk past their shop window and down the alley.

"That's a heck of a lot of Canary Creams we've got to sell to get that back," George said ruefully to his brother.

"You're right bro. We moooght as well face it. We got caught."

"You just said moooght, instead of mi-ooooooght."

"What's happening?"

Before they knew it, there were two fully grown cows squeezing into the aisles of Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes. One (Fred) was black and white. George on the other hand was a creamy brown colour, with horns.

After a few minutes, a few knocked over displays and several very surprised children who did not expect to see two cows in the shop, the twins reverted to their more usual two-legged selves. With a quick glance at each other, they darted back to the counter to look at those 'documents'

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

150 Galleons, received with thanks.

Department of Control Of Wizarding Products And Tradeables

Please ensure you pay close attention to all C.O.W.P.A.T. documentation.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

C.O.W.P.A.T.

**Particulars Of Observation**

Insufficient labelling on entire range of confectionary - 80 Galleons

Incorrect and substandard storage of the following items:

Doxy droppings – 20 Galleons

Thestral sweat – 10 Galleons

Venomous Tentacula extract – 20 Galleons

Administrative surcharge – 5 Galleons

Leering at Miss Bull's cleavage – 15 Galleons

Total P.O.O. amount due – 150 Galleons

Signed: Jersey Bull

Official C.O.W.P.A.T. representative

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

C.O.W.P.A.T.

**Memorandum Of Obligation**

You are obliged, under the terms of this M.O.O. to make adequate improvements to the areas stated in the P.O.O. that has been issued to you in accompaniment to this notice.

You will be inspected in one month's time to ensure you have come up to the standards required by the C.O.W.P.A.T. guidelines.

Signed: F.Resian

Official C.O.W.P.A.T. representative

For all full guidelines, please see reverse.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Turning over the final parchment, the twins read:

Congratulations, you have just been pranked by the Potters. Merlin it was easy.

---

Fred was banging his head repeatedly on the counter top when George noticed Hedwig fly in through the open shop door. The door had been propped open to try and get rid of the smell (George had had a little accident while in cow form).

Recognising Hedwig immediately, George called to his brother.

"Fred, look."

"What? Oh, Hedwig. Bearing a letter for us are you girl. Harry and Ginny begging for us to go easy on them now doubt."

Hedwig hooted – actually she said "Ha ha, you wish!" in hootian – then flew back out the door.

Both twins made a grab for the letter, but instantly they realised their mistake, as they turned into cows. Again.

---

At about six o'clock, the twins decided that they'd had enough and headed off to the Burrow. They chased Harry and Ginny all over the house until Mrs. Weasley lost her temper and threw them out. The chasing resumed in the garden, woods, paddock and pond but eventually they all decided enough was enough for one day. Fred and George vowed revenge. Harry and Ginny didn't expect anything less. What's the point in being the most powerful wizard and witch in the universe if you can't have a laugh?

At about seven, everyone (all the Weasleys, Harry and Ginny, Hermione and Remus) gathered at the table.

"Here you go Harry," said Ron, tossing a chocolate frog across the table to his brother-in-law. "After the way those two chased you and Gin, I'm in no doubt that you won the bet."

"WHAT?" roared Fred.

"A BET?" joined in George.

"YOU DID ALL THAT TO US FOR ONE SODDING CHOCOLATE FROG?"

"Language, Fred!" admonished Mrs. Weasley from across the kitchen, although secretly she was loving every minute of it.

"So, Molly dear, what's for dinner?" asked Mr. Weasley diplomatically.

"Well, since we're all here, I thought we'd have roast beef."

"Aaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhh"


End file.
